Do You Treat Special Needs Children Differently?

Few adults would intentionally act cruelly towards a child who is handicapped in some way. Yet even among caring adults there is a tendency to treat kids who have some sort of disability differently than we otherwise would. The end result is often the same: Through body language and other subconscious cues, we send the message that these kids aren't the same as other kids. Many people simply withdraw or keep their distance from a child with a disability, unsure of what to do or how to interact.

Take the hearing impaired, for example. Describing the frustration she feels over how people relate to her two deaf sons, one woman says, "You don't have to know sign language (to interact). Kindness is a language. We all understand it. When you see a child like this, don't act shocked. Don't gasp and walk away. The message you send to a child is: 'My god, you are a freak!' Reach out your hand and smile." (Chicken Soup for the Couples Soul, Health Communications, 1999, p. 211)

The same principle applies to children with any type of disability. Talk to a child with Down syndrome in the same way would to a kid who's at the top of his or her class. Find ways to involve children with physical disabilities in the same type of sports and gross motor activities you might play with a child who had no physical restraints. Relate to children with autism as if they are social butterflies just waiting to come out of their cocoon (with realistic expectations and adequate patience, of course).

There once was a legendary doctor who traveled around to various residential care facilities. He came to be know as the "hug doctor" because he insisted on giving every person he met a hug, regardless of their condition. It was a simple gesture, yet it had a profound effect on those he interacted with. One patient in a comatose state is said to have opened his eyes and uttered a few words, another disabled girl, bound to her wheelchair and unable to control her motor functions, let out her first smile in years. All this from a simple gesture that showed someone cared . . . that they saw beyond the disability to the person who resided inside.

Sadly, hugs may no longer be appropriate in our sexually-paranoid society, but the same principle works with many other gestures: A hand on the shoulder, a high-five, a look and a smile. Children can sense your reservations about them, and will notice if you shrink away. Show them that you, too, see through the disability.

Not only does this ensure that every child develops to their fullest potential, but it can prevent many of the hurts these kids endure that we never meant to send. Because no matter what the circumstance, there's pretty much one universal thing that kids with special needs can all agree upon: They don't want sympathy. They don't want you to feel sorry for them, and they certainly don't want you to act bothered or appalled by them. They just want you to act normal, so that they can feel a little more normal and accepted themselves.


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